Is Feedback a Conversation? Why One-Way Communication Falls Short

Take a second and think about the last time someone gave you feedback. Did it feel like a conversation—or like you were being spoken at?

Whether in the workplace or in relationships, oftentimes feedback turns into a monologue: one person delivers their assessment, the other person listens, and the exchange ends. One thing I love? A good conversation. One thing I also love? Feedback. Many people avoid feedback because it feels like judgement—but when you reframe it as information for growth, it becomes a gift rather than a threat.

Here's the thing, research tells us that the least effective way to inspire change, growth, or understanding, is the scenario where one person delivers their evaluation, and the other must sit and nod politely. When feedback becomes a conversation, both people can participate and there’s space for clarity, participation, and respect.

So, you may be thinking, “Dr. Leah, I give monologues all the time and they go really well.” From your perspective, probably. However, monologues imply the other person’s perspective doesn’t matter—and when people feel unheard, they disengage.

The Power of Conversational Feedback

You may be wondering, how do I have a conversation instead of a monologue? Conversations give space for curiosity and reflection, and they involve back-and-forth talking. As the person who is providing feedback, you can also leave space to ask questions and have others share their perspective. Doing this can help strengthen your relationships and build trust in the future.

How to Make Feedback A Conversation

Whether at work or in life:

Start with curiosity—Ask, “How do you think this assignment went?” or, “How do you feel about the way this situation was handled?”

Listen more than you speak—Some of the best people I know practice this daily. Give other people the room to process and respond.

Collaborate on next steps—There may be needed directive, but also make improvements together.

Feedback is a powerful tool, and when we treat it like a conversation, we create great lines of communication. The next time you give feedback take a minute to determine:  Am I talking at them? Or with them? Hopefully the answer will help guide your conversation and move you in the right direction.

In two weeks, we’ll discuss the flip side: How to receive feedback without losing confidence.

Thanks for reading! As always, I’m wishing you the best.